Theory: CONTROL.

I think that is what the abuser/controller wants you to believe and suffer the pain that the controller suffers inside of them.

As survivors, we need to take control. The first step is leaving the relationship. Second is standing strong.

A lot of the abusers are drinkers/alcoholics. At first they didn't drink or drank very little and then the next thing occurs is beginnings of an abuse until it escalates on a consistent basis.

Again CONTROL.

Still, alcoholism and abuse are treated as two separate issues.

Controllers will utilize alcohol to make a reason for why they abuse. The real reason is CONTROL. If an alcoholic stops drinking, initially the abuse stops but it will eventually continue. Until the abuser can deal with his/her control issues which is quite difficult, then you would see a change.

There are a lot of books and literature that supports that an abuser will NEVER change his control pattern. The abuser would possibly subside his abusive behavior for a period of time; until he has his victim convinced that things have changed. Then the abusive behavior starts again.

Think about when the abuser always says, "I'm Sorry!" but he does it again and again and again. That is CONTROL.

We as survivors have to take control of our lives to make ourselves a better person, and to provide a secure and loving life for our children.

Control is okay when we put it upon ourselves but not when it is forced upon us by others.Whitmark

It is a continuing outrage and nightmare for all women and children in this country that the legal system and all of it's practitioners, especially Family Services and Lawyers, are so ignorant of the devastating harm THEY cause by and through trivializing and dismissing the extent of the harm caused by domestic abuse. Broken bones heal, the emotional and psychologial trauma NEVER does.

Women are - and I speak from experience - re-traumatized and abused by the system.

Three attorneys have violated my rights, failed to take warranted requested action, failed to advise me of my rights and alternatives. Instead, they protected my husband.

There is no such thing as justice. It is only available IF you can afford it - and do not encounter the overabundance of self serving greedy lawyers who are only interested in the money. It is a business to them and that is all it is.

The client does all the work. Lawyers bill to review the clients production and work. What a racket. I know of no other profession so lacking in accountability and integrity. If it weren't so pathetic it migh be funny:

Janet Reno was quoted in USA Today last year as saying, "I'd hate to think that justice has anything to do with money"

Get real.

WHAT PLANET IS SHE ON?

WAKE UP AMERICA.

The legal system just like the government. ALL ABOUT MONEY. The entire system needs to be overhauled. The average citizen is given lip service.

You have a RIGHT to represent yourself. However, in so doing, no Judge is tolerant and views it AS A WASTE OF HIS TIME! HE WORKS FOR US AND IS PAID BY US, yet arrogantly, Judges place themselves as SUPERIOR to the hands that feed him or her.

Domestic Violence must stop.

It cannot and will not as long as the legal system remains in the archaic dark ages. Ignorant of the harm it causes.

THE ONLY WAY TO HALT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS TO PUNISH THE ABUSERS.

While legislative bills are fine they aren't worth the paper they are written on unless they are aggressively and relentlessly enforced. Police called to a scene more often than not take it upon themselves to assess whether a woman or child is at risk of "bodily harm" and fail to record the specifics in their reports. This omission compromises a woman's case at trial. She is punished for not reporting the incident.

The government engages in brainwashing all of us. People that are fortunate enough to go merrily through life focused on themselves, making money unscathed by tragedy or wrongdoing at the hands of others, are not motivated to initiate any change.

I am not suggesting or proposing fixing what isn't broken - only what is.

School's require kids to take year after year of American history - a carefully construed and diluted version of what the governement, i.e. school monopoly, wants children to believe - to coerce the captive prisioners into to mistakenly believing this country and it's judicial system is something to be proud of.

I can attest from first hand experience it is not. It is an affront to everything that constitutes any definition of ethical, moral appropriateness and has nothing to do with justice. IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY.

YOURS AND MINE.

Men have greater economic power to this day.

Women, and I was stupidly one of them, thought they could do "more." SO, we displaced the male workforce. Corporations were prudent, recognizing they could hire two women for the price of one man. And guess what. Women are exhausted, underpaid, neglecting their children, shuffling them off to day care from the time they are three months old, raised by strangers in virus infected "institutions" so Mommy can go to work, earn less than her male counterpart, and come home do the chores, housework, meals, laundry, errands, kids after school activities, bill paying, and for those of us in the SANDWICH generation, attend to elderly parents needs.

While studies indicate income has remained static, the vast majority of men have not and do not participate nor share equally in the maintenance nor child care giving.

Children are born with an innate desire to learn & explore. They frequently over a long period of time have their enthusiam and curiousity squealched by the one size fits all system - demotivation is learned. No child starts out that way. But by the fifth or sixth grade, many are weary of the irrelevant curriculum and manditory controlled exercises telling them what to do, when to do it, and HOW.

This country has many attributes. However, too many people have been lulled into complacency.

WE NEED TO STOP TOLERATING VIOLENCE AND DOMESTIC ABUSE.

Abuse is NEVER JUSTIFIED.

We need to send the unequivical message to every Judge and Family Court System that unless and until they are adequately and properly educated about domestic violence and the harm the system commits in rulings that they defy common sense and all that is civilized and decent. We the people will not and can not in good conscience respect nor abide by any rulings the self annointed have handed down.Encore